


how hard is it to not die at a social event? very

by rainbowblue13



Series: how did we get here? [10]
Category: Do No Harm (TV), Hamilton - Miranda, In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Alcohol, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Political dinners, dumb bets, that's a good summary i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-26 12:45:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10787004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowblue13/pseuds/rainbowblue13
Summary: usnavy: i dont have a tuxdamnilton: are you busy?usnavy: like, right now? not really, i guessdamnilton: alright cool get in the carusnavy: what??damnilton: get in loser, we're going shoppingOr, there's a dinner, and a lot of people for Usnavi and Ruben to meet.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> IT'S HAMILFAM TIME
> 
> i love putting the other characters into this series, it's so fun. i hope it's not too clusterfucky and iM SORRY I KEEP MAKING THESE MULTICHAPTER i write too much a a a h
> 
> Trigger warning for reference to abuse (because i have to make ruben suffer 24/7), but the rest is good fun i swear

**damnilton:** HEY FUCKERS I HAVE SOME NEWS FOR YOU

**rebelen:** Why do you have to be so aggressive

**damnilton:** IT'S HOW I SHOW MY LOVE

**usnavy:** que paso?

**damnilton:** I'LL TELL YOU WHAT

 

_damnilton has sent a link: "Catalyst Awards Dinner"_

 

**usnavy:** what's this?

**damnilton:** it's a fancy-ass dinner thing and y'all are coming with me

**rebelen:** Never say "y'all" again

**rebelen:** Also how would we even qualify to get in?

**usnavy:** i can't open the link

**damnilton:** it's an award ceremony for International Woman's Day, my sister in law was nominated. I'll be your ticket in

**rebelen:** Wait, you're MARRIED??

**usnavy:** NO ME DIGA

**usnavy:** actually WHY DID YOU NEVER TELL US THIS?

**damnilton:** idk it just never came up

**usnavy:** im offended

**usnavy:** actually now that i think about it, we don't kno that much about u??

**damnilton:** you couldve literally just googled it

**usnavy:** I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO GOOGLE MY FRIEND

**rebelen:** Wait but I thought you were gay??

**damnilton:** nope. what gave u that impression?

**usnavy:** you explained gay sex to me

**rebelen:** And you said you had a coming out experience

**damnilton:** @usnavy it's called pornhub, and @rebelen i did, just not as gay

**damnilton:** im bi

**damnilton:**  it means i like girls and boys equally bc lets face it everyone is hot af

**rebelen:** ... that's a thing?

**damnilton:** yes

**damnilton:** is that gonna be a problem?

**usnavy:** not at all!

**usnavy:** you're like Nina, she goes both ways too

**damnilton:**  nice

**rebelen:** I didn't know that was a thing

**damnilton:**  ~* The more you know *~

**rebelen:** So you like guys and girls at the same time?

**usnavy:** from what nina told me, not necessarily. 

**damnilton:** haha um actually

**damnilton:** revelation number two

**usnavy:** ?

**damnilton:** look i think it's easier if we do this through call

**rebelen:** Okay??

**rebelen:** Anything you wanna preface this with?

**damnilton:** yeah ok

**damnilton:** so, have u guys heard of polyamory?

* * *

**usnavy:** woah

**rebelen:** Huh

**damnilton:** so that's the thing

**damnilton:** questions??

**usnavy:** i got the whole "more than one person" part

**usnavy:** but im lost as to who is with who in your situation

**damnilton:** we're all dating each other, except john who's just with me

**rebelen:** So Maria and Eliza are dating each other?

**damnilton:** yep

**usnavy:** And maria is with you too?

**damnilton:** yup

**rebelen:** but Eliza and you are married

**damnilton:** that is correct

**usnavy:** okay, but to the public what's it like?

**damnilton:** cause John's family is homophobic af, he presents himself as if he's dating maria

**damnilton:** and cause im in government stuff and it was just easier, the public thinks im just married to my betsey

**rebelen:** **rebelen:** Betsey??

**damnilton:** that's just what i call eliza

**usnavy:** and EVERYONE is okay with the situation?

**damnilton:** yes, we've had extensive talks. we all consent

**usnavy:** okay, got it

**usnavy:** that's pretty neat, in my opinion, that you all care about each other

**rebelen:** All I can think about is how me and Alexander have the same face but yet he managed to score three significant others while I can't even get a date

**damnilton:** lmao

**damnilton:** okay not gonna lie i was kinda nervous for a bit there

**damnilton:** of how you guys would react

**usnavy:** it's okay man, we're here for you

**usnavy:** not gonna lie, it's a new concept

**usnavy:** but we care about you a lot and we're accepting cause we care about you, and love is love, right?

**rebelen:** What he said

**damnilton:** <3

**rebelen:** <3

**usnavy:** <<<333333

**damnilton:** usnavi why are you so extra™

**damnilton:** okay whatever BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND

**damnilton:** Angelica (sister in law) was nominated for one of these, and the entire hamilfam is going except for phillip, angie and theo who are still back home

**damnilton:** i' might give u guys (see i didn't use y'all) a crash course on who's who and i was thinking we could all go to dinner beforehand so u all kno each other better

**rebelen:** Sounds good to me

**rebelen:** But did you just refer to them as the hamilfam

**damnilton:** don't judge me

**rebelen:** Too late

**usnavy:** can i bring Vanessa?

**damnilton:** of course! you can bring sonny too

**usnavy:** he isnt feeling up for an all-adult fancy dinner

**damnilton:** okay i see his point but we barely count as adults

**usnavy:** quick question: do they know?

**damnilton:** about?

**rebelen:** Take a wild guess

**damnilton:** ah, our circumstances

**damnilton:** uuuuh everyone except mulligan, angelica, laf and burr

**damnilton:** cause i havent rlly gotten around to that

**rebelen:** You probably should

**damnilton:** good call

* * *

_damnilton has made a new group chat_

 

_damnilton has added Schuylerfied, brahcules, Lafuckyou, A.Burr_

 

_damnilton has named the chat Hamilton³_

 

**damnilton:** roll caaaaall

**Schuylerfied:** This is an odd selection of people to put in a chat

**A.Burr:** Hello?

**Schuylerfied:** Ew

**A.Burr:** When will you let it go

**Schuylerfied:** Do not doubt my ability to hold a grudge

**damnilton:** @Lafuckyou @brahcules quick before Angelica shoots Burr

**brahcules:** what did you do now, alex

**damnilton:** why must you assume i did something wrong

**brahcules:** have you ever met yourself

**A.Burr:** He has a point

**Schuylerfied:** ^^^

**damnilton:** im

**damnilton:** @Lafuckyou HELP IM BEING SLANDERED

**Lafuckyou:** It is not slander if it's true

**damnilton:** im beginning to regret this

**A.Burr:** Just get to your point, Hamilton, we do have lives

**damnilton:** sure thing, sir!

**damnilton:** u guys are all going to the Catalyst Awards, correct?

**Schuylerfied:** I was nominated, Alexander, why wouldn't I go?

**A.Burr:** Yes, I'll be attending

**Schuylerfied:** I'm reconsidering

**brahcules:** lmao

**brahcules:** and yea alex, you're literally my ticket in

**Lafuckyou:** this seems like a redundant question, mon ami

**damnilton:** okay the thing is, im inviting a couple of friends outside of the usual group

**damnilton:** so i wanted to sorta give you some background on them

**Schuylerfied:** Why would we require that? We can just meet them in real life

**Schuylerfied:** Like normal people do

**damnilton:** trust me, you'll want to be prepared

**brahcules:** prepared for what??

 

_damnilton has sent a picture_

 

**damnilton:** so this is me

**A.Burr:** We are familiar with your face, Hamilton

 

_damnilton has sent a picture_

 

**damnilton:** this is Ruben Marcado

 

_damnilton has sent a picture_

 

**damnilton:** and this is Usnavi de la Vega

**Schuylerfied:** What

**brahcules:** what

**Lafuckyou:** che

**damnilton:** yup

**Lafuckyou:**  is it like moi and thomas?

**damnilton:** yeah but times three

**damnilton:** hence the name

**Schuylerfied:** Two times three is six, and it's not the same as having something cubed

**damnilton:** Not all of us can be mathemATICIANS, ANGELICA

**brahcules:** how has the u.s. not died

**Lafuckyou:**  Burr has been awfully quiet

**A.Burr:** I'm a busy man, I don't have time for Hamilton's pranks

**damnilton:** it's not a prank

**damnilton:** when you meet them you'll see

**A.Burr:** This is ridiculous, Alexander

**damnilton:** LETS BET ON IT

**Lafuckyou:** my little lion, you always lose when you make bets

**damnilton:** when i make bets against PEGGY i always lose

**damnilton:** @A.Burr cmooooon

**A.Burr:** What are the wagers to this bet

**brahcules:** @Shuylerfied should we be trying to stop this

**Schuylerfied:** @brahcules probably, but if Alex loses he deserves it.

**damnilton:** if i win, i get to choose your screenname forevermore AND you have to say out loud, at the dinner table "Alexander Hamilton is superior to me in every way"

**A.Burr:** What's in it for me?

**damnilton:** if you win, I won't talk out loud for a week

**brahcules:** oh shiiiiit

**A.Burr:** You work in the government, Hamilton

**damnilton:** I'll get someone to speak for me at work

**damnilton:** You know what?? make it a MONTH

**Lafuckyou:** Alexander Hamilton being quiet for a month? this must be a sign of the apocalypse.

**brahcules:** we are all doomed.

**Schuylerfied:** @damniltonYour pride is gonna be the death of you

**A.Burr:** You're on

**damnilton:** @brahcules have ur phone ready to record Aaron's defeat

**brahcules:** oh boi

* * *

**usnavy:** yo @damnilton

**usnavy:** how fancy do i gotta dress?

**damnilton:** very

**damnilton:** like, full tux and black tie/bowtie

**usnavy:** i dont have a tux

**damnilton:** i can get you one dont worry

**damnilton:** are you busy?

**usnavy:** like, right now?

**usnavy:** not really, i guess

**damnilton:** alright cool get in the car

**usnavy:** what??

**damnilton:** i just sent a car for you, i'll meet you there

**usnavy:** meet me w h e r e

**damnilton:** get in loser, we're going shopping

* * *

**damnilton:** RUBEN OMG

**rebelen:** What's up?

 

_damnilton has sent a photo_

 

**damnilton:** LOOK AT HOW CUTE USNAVI LOOKS IN A SUIT

**rebelen:** You guys look the same

**damnilton:** BUT HE HAS SHORT HAIR AND HE DOESN'T HAVE EYEBAGS AND HE'S SO FLUSTERED IT'S ADORABLE

**rebelen:** Okay?

**damnilton:** HOW ARE YOU NOT SEEING THIS

**rebelen:** Dude, I look exactly like him, I can't be all like "omg cute"

**damnilton:** why not?? you're super cute too

**rebelen:** Dude

**damnilton:** you are an attractive man and you'll look dashing in your suit i will fite you on this

**rebelen:** I don't know how to handle compliments??

**damnilton:** shhhh just let it happen

**damnilton:** BTW you have a suit right?

**damnilton:** i would've brought u along but usnavi's fitting was a spur of the moment thing

**rebelen:** I have one suit

**damnilton:** perfect!!

**damnilton:** btw dont tell Navi but jeffershit is gonna be there, so youre gonna have to keep us from getting into too much trouble hahaha

**damnilton:** the get together thingy is tomorrow a couple of hours before the dinner, do you want a ride??

**rebelen:** I can get there fine

**damnilton:** really, it's no problem

**rebelen:** I said I'm fine

**damnilton:** ... Ruben are you okay ?

**damnilton:** Ruben??

**damnilton:**  why arent you answering your phone

**damnilton:**  DUDE

**damnilton:**  ill leave you alone if you answer just lemme know youre okay

**damnilton:**  me and usnavi are coming over

**rebelen:** Don't

**damnilton:**  THANK FUCK I WAS SO WORRIED WHEN YOU DIDN'T ANSWER

**damnilton:**  FUCK I HATE THE TRAFFIC

**rebelen:** What do you want?

**damnilton:**  i just wanna know how to help you because you're clearly upset over something

**damnilton:**  did i say something wrong??

**rebelen:** Look just

**rebelen:** I'm not at my best

**rebelen:** I don't think I'll have the energy to babysit you tomorrow or whatever

**damnilton:** what?? the whole keep us out of trouble thing was a joke

**damnilton:**  wait shit

**damnilton:** shit shitshit i reminded you of that fucking asshole didn't i?? it completely went over my head im sorry

**damnilton:**  fuCK i didnt even realize im so sorry look, im not just inviting you over to do stuff for me or anything

**damnilton:**  you're a genuinely great person that i enjoy hanging out with and i never want to take advantage of your skills or anything okay??

**rebelen:** I

**rebelen:** No, I'm srry Im just overreacting like i always do and worryign you over nothing its find

**rebelen:** It's fine*

**rebelen:** Fuck Im sorry I know you're not like that its jsut hard to get out of htat mentality Im sor ry

**damnilton:**  you have nothing to apologize for! I shouldn't have joked like that

**damnilton:**  this is on me, and if you really don't wanna go to the dinner it's no problem and theres no pressure, i dont wanna force you into anything youre uncomfortable with

**rebelen:** Thank you

**rebelen:** I dnot know I'll make my mind up tomorrow

**damnilton:**  thats okay

**damnilton:**  thats us knocking btw is it okay if we hug you when you open the door??

**rebelen:** Yea


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A.Burr: This is absolutely going to be a disaster  
> Lafuckyou: THERE'S TOO MANY OF US  
> turtlens: AAAAAAAH  
> damnilton: G U Y S
> 
> Or, it's the day of the dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Catalyst awards dinner is a real thing, and this is NOT an accurate depiction of the event!! I've never attended so :P
> 
> also there's a LOT of people in this chapter, im sorry if it gets confusing!!

 

**turtlens:** @bestofliza @saynotome WE'RE GONNA MEET THE DOPPELGANGERS TODAY

**saynotome:** ooooh finally

**bestofliza:** Im not sure how I'll handle three Alexander's at once

**saynotome:**  ay one for each of us

**turtlens:** I'm genuinely worried we won't be able to tell them apart lmao

**bestofliza:**  It's gonna be great tho, I already kinda know one of them

**saynotome:**  WHAT WHEN

**turtlens:** ????

**bestofliza:**  A couple of weeks ago, kevin (one of the ss guys) gave me a weird grey cap thing and said alexander asked me to take care of it, and later he came to pick it up and said it was his friends

**bestofliza:**  And he showed me a picture of the guy

**turtlens:** what did he look like

**turtlens:**  dumb question who o p s

**saynotome:**  you tried

**bestofliza:**  No theres actually a few differences

**bestofliza:**  The dude has short hair, and his eyebags werent as intense as alexanders

**turtlens:**  alex with short hair and without eyebags?? holy shit

**saynotome:**  we're gomna have to refer to them by name eventually

**saynotome:**  one was named Ruben and the other had a rlly weird name

**bestofliza:**  Im just excited tbh

**bestofliza:**  I ate being away from home and the kids for so long but also

**bestofliza:**  T h r e e a l e x a n d e r s

**turtlens:**  we re all gonna fucking die

**damnilton:** not on my watch

**saynotome:**  you're already dead inside babe

**damnilton:**  okay true

**damnilton:**  anyways im about to make a big-ass chat with everyone so we can talk before the pre-dinner

**turtlens:**  who do you mean by everyone?

* * *

_damnilton has made a new group chat_

 

_damnilton has added bestofliza, turtlens, saynotome, brahcules, Lafuckyou, Schuylerfied, A.Burr, usnavy, JMads, andmemes_

 

_damnilton has named the chat Catabitch Dinner_

 

**damnilton:**  e v e r y o n e

**turtlens:**  wow

**Schuylerfied:** We're still missing a few people though

**bestofliza:**  @usnavy are you Ruben?

**usnavy:** nope, my name's Usnavi

**damnilton:**  gwash isnt gonna make it, ruben isnt certain he'll be attending so im not pushing it, and @JMads is the spokesperson for jefferson

**JMads:** I didn't sign up for this

**usnavy:**  wait JEFFERSHIT IS GONNA BE THERE??

**damnilton:**  i may have avoided mentioning that detail

**brahcules:** this is gonna be a disaster

**A.Burr:** If your other friend doesn't attend I automatically win the bet?

**usnavy:**  what bet?

**Lafuckyou:** Burr doesn't believe your similar appearances

**damnilton:**  the bet took place after I invited you

**JMads:**  Thomas says he'll simply steer clear of your table and say hi to Lafayette later

**andmemes:** sup nerds.

**usnavy:**  @andmemes hi peggy!

**andmemes:** hey navi!

**bestofliza:**  PEGGY HAS MET ONE OF YOUR DOPPELGANGERS AND I HAVENT??

**andmemes:** it was for the sake of memes

**bestofliza:**  ??¿

**Schuylerfied:** @JMads The tables are assigned, I don't get too much of a say where I or any of you sit

**A.Burr:**  This is absolutely going to be a disaster

**Lafuckyou:**  THERE'S TOO MANY OF US

**turtlens:**  AAAAAAAH

**damnilton:**  G U Y S

**damnilton:**  can you all just introduce yourselves, say your pronouns/occupation/whatever you deem necessary so that usnavi knows what's happening

**usnavy:**  alex no offense but i aint gonna remember any of this if 10+ people introduce themselves at once

**usnavy:**  i'll see em all in a couple of hours, right?

**JMads:** Except for me and Thomas, yes

**usnavy:**  oh i already met that cabron

**usnavy:**  tell him Usnavi "the immigrant" says hola and fuck you

 

_JMads has left the chat_

 

**brahcules:**  Madison will still pass on the message, im sure

**Lafuckyou:** you should know that obnoxious as he is, whatever he said to you was most certainly just to anger mon petit leon

**usnavy:**  he talked shit about immigrants!

**Lafuckyou:** take a wild guess as to what Alexander is

**Lafuckyou:** after all, I'm an immigrant and we're friends

**usnavy:**  thats like the equivalent of the "im not racist, i have a black friend" card

**Schuylerfied:** Can we please keep Jefferson and any further drama out of this

**bestofliza:**  Yeah guys cmon, this is Angie's night

**damnilton:**  youre right, im sorry Angelica

**usnavy:**  sorry

**Lafuckyou:** pardon us

**Schuylerfied:** Just don't start a bar fight and/or rap battle tonight

**brahcules:**  we will do our best

**turtlens:**  we'll try

**bestofliza:** John

**turtlens:**  okay o k a y we promise

**saynotome:**  we're meeting at the rooftop ramen place right?

**andmemes:** I LOVE THAT PLACE

**damnilton:**  yeah that's the place

**andmemes:** FUCK Y E A H

**turtlens:**  tag urself im peggy's excitement for noodles

**brahcules:**  im john calling ramen "noodles"

**A.Burr:**  I don't know what's happening. I'll see you all later.

**damnilton:**  bye, sir! be ready to change your username veeery soon!

* * *

**turtlens:**  the main chat with everyone is a fucking clusterfuck

**saynotome:**  yep

 

_bestofliza has added andmemes to the chat_

 

**bestofliza:**  PEGGY TELL US ABOUT USNAVI

**andmemes:** why are you so fucking violent

**saynotome:**  he sounded like a cinnamon roll was that just me

**andmemes:** hes totally a cinnamon roll

**turtlens:**  also he inherently hates TJeffs which is very funny to me ngl

**andmemes:** he told me about that. apparently Usnavi filled in for Ham on a protocol thing-turned-cabinet meeting. usnavi proceeded to sort of agree with tjeffs but for Ham's sake absolutely rekt him

**andmemes:** and another time they added tjeffs to their gc and being the piece of shit that he is started saying some dumb shit about immigrants not being real americans

**turtlens:**  wtf

**saynotome:**  i will f i t e

**andmemes:** yeah, so usnavi roasted him again. he sent me screenshots it was gr8

**bestofliza:**  SHOW US

 

_andmemes has sent a photo_

 

**turtlens:**  HE ACTUALLY CALLED HIM JEFFERSHIT OMFG

**saynotome:**  beau t i f  u  l

**bestofliza:**  My skin is clear and my crops are flourishing

**andmemes:** he's overall a really nice guy, i think youll get along

**saynotome:**  and Ruben? alex said he might not show

**andmemes:** i dont talk to him as much but he seems like a cool enough dude. 90% sure he is/was a doctor or something

**turtlens:**  oh cool!

**turtlens:**  i hope he can make it

**saynotome:**  same

**bestofliza:**  I wonder if they're talking about us like we are about them

* * *

**usnavy:**  dude there's so many people i'm gonna have to remember

**damnilton:**  dont worry abt it man, theyre all in politics. they're used to common folk not knowing who they are

**rebelen:** "Common folk"

 

_usnavy has changed their name to commonavi_

 

**damnilton:**  lmao

**damnilton:**  is Vanessa with you?

**commonavi:** YES she's wearing her red dress and she looks like absolute perfection

 

_commonavi has sent a photo_

 

**damnilton:**  slay

**rebelen:** Woah

**commonavi:** she says thanks to both of you :)

**damnilton:**  okay im almost there @commonavi 

**damnilton:**  john, maria and betsey are all in the car w/ me

**commonavi:**  how are we going to fit?

**damnilton:**  limo

**commonavi:**  daaaaamn

**damnilton:**  @rebelen how are you feeling

**rebelen:** I don't think I'm up for it, I'm sorry

**rebelen:** It just reminds me too much of another shitty moment in the collection of my life

**damnilton:**  you don't have to apologize! it's not a thing you have to be at, though ur presence will be sorely missed

**rebelen:** Okay..

**damnilton:**  if you change your mind or anything just shoot us a text, alright? dont hesitate to call or anything

**damnilton:**  @commonavi we're outside the bodega

**damnilton:**  and getting a lot of weird looks

**commonavi:**  you're in a limo, i'm not sure what you were expecting

**commonavi:**  do you see us?

**damnilton:** I can see the red blob in the distance which i assume is Vanessa

**damnilton:** shes matching with Maria bow that i think about it

**damnilton:** eliza loves the dress btw

**commonavi:**  that means "by the way", right?

**damnilton:** yup

**rebelen:** You guys are like 5 feet away from each other why are you still texting

**damnilton:** bc they're complete dORKS

**damnilton:** this is john i took alexs phone

**rebelen:** Hello, John

**damnilton:** can i see a picture of you pls?

**damnilton:** since ur not coming (which i dont blame u for cause i hate these fancy pants events too)

**rebelen:** Lol

 

_rebelen has sent a photo_

 

**damnilton:** holy shit™

**damnilton:** usnavi's in the car now, nice talkng to u

**rebelen:** Tell them to send a lot of pictures, please?

 

_damnilton has sent a picture_

 

**rebelen:** Nice

* * *

**andmemes:** this dinner is b o r i n g

**Schuylerfied:** Stop texting

**andmemes:** stop being awarded stuff at boring events

**turtlens:**  peggys savageness is what i aspire to achieve one day

**brahcules:**  im more for her complete lack of fucks to give

**Lafuckyou:** But Angelica is the true, how do you say, savage

**turtlens:**  stop pretending you dont speak fluent english, LAF

**saynotome:**  alex is looking nervous, does anyone know why?? He wont tell me

**brahcules:**  its probably the bet

**saynotome:**  what bet?

**Lafuckyou:** Burr did not believe that our Alex had two, how do you say, doppelgangers?

**Lafuckyou:** This time I'm genuinely not certain if that was the right word

**andmemes:** yea that's the word

**andmemes:** also in that case burr is fucked lmao

**turtlens:**  but ruben didnt show

**saynotome:**  what happens if alex loses?

**Schuylerfied:** If you must know, Alex will be forced to not speak for a month

**bestofliza:**  WHAT

**brahcules:**  tbh its really his fault for making that bet

**andmemes:** but he rlly does have two doppelgangers tho

**brahcules:**  forreal??

**andmemes:** yeah dude

**saynotome:**  @turtlens should we stop alex from being chewed out by lizzie

**turtlens:**  maybe

**andmemes:** is no one gonna talk about the fact that navi got seated w/ jeffershit

**brahcules:**  i saw his face when he saw thomas and it was hilarious ngl

**saynotome:**  do you think he'll roast him again

**andmemes:** maybe. rn they're just sitting in awkward silence while his gf and jmads try to make small talk

**turtlens:**  @andmemes arent u at their table

**andmemes:** yea it's boring as hell rn

**andmemes:** once one of them snaps i'll record it lmao

**Schuylerfied:**  If one of them "snaps" and makes a scene I will personally murder them

**Lafuckyou:** As I said, savage

**Lafuckyou:** Hold on

 

_Lafuckyou has added JMads to the chat_

 

**JMads:**  Thomas is drinking like it's the revolutionary war and they're going to cut off his leg

**turtlens:**  as if hed have the balls to fight in a war

**JMads:**  How should I proceed

**Lafuckyou:** how does he act when drunk?

**JMads:**  Sappy

**andmemes:** maybe thatll help him actually get along with everyone lmao

**JMads:**  No I mean he's extremely touchy feely

**JMads:**  He might begin to hug random strangers and then cry

**andmemes:** rip

**saynotome:** is that the closest he will ever come to love

**turtlens:**  probably

**JMads:**  Nevermind

 

_JMads has left the chat_

 

**Lafuckyou:**  Sigh

**Lafuckyou:** I expcted better from you all

**turtlens:** why

**brahcules:**  lmao

**brahcules:**  also when did usnavi get up from the table? he's looking really awkard at the bar

**andmemes:** uuuuh usnavi's still at our table dude

**brahcules:**  ???

**turtlens:**  yooooooooo

**turtlens:**  thats not usnavi

**saynotome:**  THIRD ALEX IS HERE

**brahcules:**  whaaaaaaa

**andmemes:** whaaaaaaa

**Lafuckyou:** At the bar??

**turtlens:**  ye

**brahcules:**  he mustve showed up last minute

**Lafuckyou:** I see him and my god, that's amazing

**Lafuckyou:** Someone save him he looks so, how do you say, uncomfortable

**turtlens:**  STOP SAYING "HOW DO YOU SAY" YOU FUCKING E G G

**saynotome:**  @turtlens chill out, let's go save this ruben dude

**andmemes:** BRING HIM TO BURRS TABLE I'LL SEND USNAVI OVER

**andmemes:** @damnilton @damnilton @damnilton

**turtlens:**  i dont see burr?? who else is at his table

**andmemes:** xander, lizzie and angelica

**brahcules:**  is angelica next to burr

**andmemes:** yee

**brahcules:**  how has he not been punched in the face

**andmemes:** we may never know

**andmemes:** @bestofliza ELIZAAAAA

**bestofliza:**  What???

**andmemes:** RECORD WHATS ABOUT TO HAPPEN PLS

**bestofliza:**  ????

**turtlens:**  t r u s t

**saynotome:**  T R U S T

**bestofliza:**  Okaaay?

**Lafuckyou:** NON I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM I'M GONNA MISS IT

**brahcules:**  H O L D  I T

**Lafuckyou:** I CANNOT DO THAT JUST UPDATE ME

**andmemes:** john and maria are deploying ruben

**andmemes:** usnavi is on his way

**andmemes:** they met halfway through and are talking

**Lafuckyou:** Are they hugging

**andmemes:** y e s

**Lafuckyou:** That is the cutest

**andmemes:** bURR JUST DID A DOUBLE TAKE

**andmemes:** IM LAUGHIGN THIS IS G O LD

 

_andmemes has sent a photo_

 

**saynotome:**  unburreivable

**andmemes:** they are going to the table i am l i v  i   n G for burr's face

**turtlens:**  i love how no one at the table has realized lizzie is recording all of it

**turtlens:**  me and maria are just chilling on the side, but we can't hear anything

**andmemes:** @brahcules CLOSE IN ON EM AND TELL US WHAT THEY'RE SAYING

**Lafuckyou:** A a a a a a a h

**brahcules:**  i've been lurking near their table for the last 5 minutes

**turtlens:**  i forget how good you are at creeping up on people

**turtlens:**  also @Lafuckyou what?

**Lafuckyou:** i am just, how do you say, excited about the events ocurring

**turtlens:**  WHY ARE YOU LIKE T H I S

**brahcules:**  burr was just staring at em in silence before alex noticed and turned to see them, and he lighted up like a christmas tree this is so pure

**andmemes:** only xander would be so happy to see himself

**saynotome:**  peggy has no chill

**turtlens:**  lAF, ALEX WENT UP TO HUG THEM HOLY SHIT

**Lafuckyou:** !!!

**brahcules:**  hskjHKGHKKGH gu ys

**brahcules:**  burr just said the f word

**turtlens:**  this is absolutely the best boring-ass political dinner I've been to

**Schuylerfied:**  Am I hallucinating or did Burr just swear

**andmemes:** angelicaaaaa

**brahcules:**  hwat the fuck is taking you so long @Lafuckyou

**Lafuckyou:** Thomas is in the bathroom rabbling about things, I'll be back momentarily

**saynotome:**  get both of ur french-loving-asses over here

**Schuylerfied:** This dinner is going to hell

**brahcules:**  @Schuylerfied it's about to get 1000 times better

**Schuylerfied:** How

**brahcules:**  look at where the tomcat is

**Schuylerfied:** I've either had too much wine or there are three alexanders

**turtlens:**  the second one

**Schuylerfied:** Holy shit

**Schuylerfied:** BURR HAS TO DO IT

**brahcules:**  @Lafuckyou update: angelica is aggressively signing to alex and i think Burr's gonna do the thing

**Lafuckyou:** On my waaaaaaaay

**Lafuckyou:** wait for meeeee

**Lafuckyou:** I have thomas in tow

**damnilton:** gU Y S

**damnilton:** i T' S GO N N A   H A    P    P  E  N!!!

**damnilton:** im ready!! frigging large popcorn! hot dog! damn slurpy dammit! don't talk to me when i sit down to watch this! dont touch me! dont breathe in my direction ! this is it!

**saynotome:**  same

**Lafuckyou:** WE ARE HERE

**brahcules:**  "Alexander Hamilton is superior to me in every way" burr looks like he died a little inside when he said it

 

_andmemes has sent a photo_

 

**andmemes:** xander looks so smug lmao

**damnilton:** this is gonna be the only thing i talk about for the next week. i've wanted this for years fuck. what the fuck.

**turtlens:**  you are such a meme today

**turtlens:**  @damnilton what are you gonna do with your newfound power of burr's screename btw?

**damnilton:** >:^))))

**bestofliza:**  This is great and all but the actual awards are staring like rn

**andmemes:** EVERYONE TO THEIR TABLES

**brahcules:**  S C A T T E R

* * *

**commonavi:**  hey fellas

**rebelen:** DUDE the awards are literally happening right now why the fuck are you texting??

**commonavi:**  cause we can't talk out loud, duh

**rebelen:** You're hopeless

 

_rebelen has added venensa to the chat_

 

**rebelen:** @venensa Controlalo

**venensa:** eh

**rebelen:** Fuckin g

 

_rebelen has removed venensa from the chat_

 

**commonavi:**  ah, i love her so much

**rebelen:** @commonavi You know Alex would dissaprove

**commonavi:**  i highly doubt that

**damnilton:** sup

**commonavi:**  see?

**damnilton:** @rebelen i can feel ur exasperation all the way from here

 

_rebelen has changed their name to rubstress_

 

**rubstress:** Because you two to will be the death of me

**damnilton:** you realize that looks like you mashed your name with the word "mistress", right?

 

_rubstress has changed their name to ruBen10_

 

**commonavi:**  L O L

**ruBen10:** I hate you

**damnilton:** yea yea whatever

**ruBen10:** Seriously, you're here to support your sister in law

**damnilton:** okay okay you're right

**ruBen10:** @commonavi That goes for you too, be serious

**commonavi:**  dios mio f i n e

**commonavi:**  ooooooh THAT'S what you meant when you asked if that was my catchphrase

**ruBen10:** Hahaha yes

**ruBen10:** Now time to be adults

**damnilton:** :P

**damnilton:** also i just wanna say that i know it mustve been really hard for you to come, but im glad you did @ruBen10

**ruBen10:** A H thank you??

**ruBen10:** I don't know how to deal with emotions

**damnilton:** same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shenanigans supreme
> 
> also, mini-announcement! i'm now allowing prompts for future installments in the series! i cant guarantee i'll do all of them, but i do wanna give it a try. it can be a single sentence thing or you can describe the whole scenario: feel free to leave a comment here or send an ask to my tumblr, marianara-sauce!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> andmemes: helloooo  
> turtlens: shshshhhh ur beign too lo u d  
> andmemes: not my fault u can't handle ur booze  
> turtlens: fuk u  
> bestofliza: i regret e v e r y th i n gg  
> Lafuckyou: You are all weaklings and natural selection is coming for you
> 
> Or, it's the morning after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it was 4 chapters but the last one was too short so i just mashed em together :P
> 
> aLSO THIS SERIES OFFICIALLY HAS FANART!! HOLY SHIT A AAAAAH
> 
> thank you to @galaghiel I WILL CHERISH IT FOREVER <3

**damnilton:** My dearest, Angelica, I sincerely apologize for having the spotlight momentarily taken away from you tonight, on the evening where you were rightfully honored with an award that truly displays your great achievements in furthering equality and respect between all genders. Please accept my pleas for forgiveness.

**Schuylerfied:** Alexander, it's 4 am

**damnilton:** I am aware of that

**Schuylerfied:** You are texting me at 4 am

**damnilton:** You seem to be making redundant observations

**Schuylerfied:** Go the fuck to sleep

**damnilton:** But what can I say or do to possibly atone for my transgression??

**damnilton:** angelicaaaaaa

**Schuylerfied:** Actually

**Schuylerfied:** I have an idea

* * *

**commonavi:** last night was fun!!

**ruBen10:** urgghags

**damnilton:** @ruBen10 hows that hangover going lmao

**ruBen10:** de ATH

**commonavi:** so much for being the adult in the group

**ruBen10:** i thnik i inly rember like,,,, 5% oflast nihgt

**damnilton:** @commonavi i turned off his autocorrect and now i see why he uses it

**commonavi:** do you want us to recap

**ruBen10:** pl eaSE

**damnilton:** you arrived, i won my bet with burr, and he had to pay his end, which is the best thing to ever happen

 

_damnilton has sent a video_

 

**commonavi:** then you switched tables with peggy, so you were sitting with me, vanessa, madison and jeffershit

**damnilton:** a recipe for disaster, btw

**commonavi:** you were scolding me and alex for texting during the ceremony, angelica got her award thingy, and all of us went to a bar after

**damnilton:** which is when you really got into your vodka shots

 

_damnilton has sent a photo_

 

**ruBen10:** ffukshit

**commonavi:** you can't dance to save your life but it was adorable

**damnilton:** ur one to talk

**commonavi:** i feel attacked

**damnilton:** also usnavi almost got in a fight with jefferson

**commonavi:** hE HAD IT COMING

**damnilton:** and you were offering to be his second

**damnilton:** but then thomas began to crytype in real life it was hilarious

**ruBen10:** wwhatdo yuo mean???

**damnilton:** he basically rambled about stuff while sort of crying?? i didnt catch half of it

**damnilton:** a lot of "i jUST WANNA GO BACK TO FRANCE. THE 80s WERE A TIME TO BE A L I VE" 

**commonavi:** i figured "beating him up would be great, but if he's drunk when i do he might not remember it" so i backed off

**damnilton:** you mean herc and madison had to physically restrain you

**commonavi:** same difference

**damnilton:** an Y W ay

**damnilton:** vanessa and angelica became like bffs

**damnilton:** gwash called to say congratulations

**damnilton:** Laf jokingly tried to hit on you but u didn't seem to mind lol

**damnilton:** uuuh what else

**commonavi:** you and john talked about science stuff for a while i think?? all i caught was the word "testudines"

**ruBen10:** .... tht meanns "turtles"

**damnilton:** that explains it

**commonavi:** you also told us that your username is based on Ben 10 cause you love that show

**commonavi:** and then me and Vanessa dropped you off

**damnilton:** wait where'd u drop him off?

**commonavi:** my apartment

**ruBen10:** wh???

**ruBen10:**  is that why hte bed is so s o ft

**commonavi:** probably

**ruBen10:** whrd u sleep tho??

**commonavi:** we were all tired so we just threw ourselves on the bed and kinda fit

**damnilton:** YOU ALL CUDDLED IM LIVING FOR THIS

**ruBen10:** iM????????????

**ruBen10:** I JSUT NOTICED SOEMONE IN BED WTH ME

**ruBen10:** pNAIC

**damnilton:** "pnaic"

**commonavi:** oh yea, say hi to Nessa for me!

**ruBen10:** hi sweetie. i took ruben's phone

**ruBen10:** he looks like he just ate the last cookie in the jar or something lol

**damnilton:** pICTU R E

 

_ruBen10 has sent a picture_

 

**commonavi:** awww

**commonavi:** tell him coffee's down here when you're ready

**damnilton:** im never letting him forget this lmaoooo

**commonavi:** it's not a big deal dude

**damnilton:** yeah, the three of you just got drunk and slept in the same bed nbd

**commonavi:** d u d e

**ruBen10:** We'll be there in 5 @usnavy

**commonavi:** alrighty, love you! :*

**ruBen10:** It's Ruben

**commonavi:** oh

**damnilton:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**ruBen10:** C e a s e

* * *

**saynotome:** morning everyone

**saynotome:** please send a message if you arent dead

**Lafuckyou:** bonjour

**brahcules:** ssup

**andmemes:** helloooo

**turtlens:** shshshhhh ur beign too lo u d

**andmemes:** not my fault u can't handle ur booze

**turtlens:** fuk u

**bestofliza:** unF

**bestofliza:** i regret e v e r y th i n gg

**Lafuckyou:** You are all weaklings and natural selection is coming for you

**damnilton:** GREETINGS, MY FRIENDS

**bestofliza:** shshhshhshh

**turtlens:** s s sh h h h

**damnilton:** I WILL NOT BE QUIET

**damnilton:** TODAY IS THE DAY OF A JOYOUS OCCASION

**damnilton:** @A.Burr @A.Burr @A.Burr

**damnilton:** DO NOT IGNORE ME, AY AY RON

**A.Burr:** Hello

**brahcules:** BURRRR

**Lafuckyou:** BURRRRR

**turtlens:** fcking brr

**damnilton:** Now

**damnilton:** Your first screename change

**damnilton:** Courtsey of the beautiful @schuylerfied

**Schuylerfied:** Hello~

**A.Burr:** Oh no

**damnilton:** Have you recieved my private message, Burr?

**A.Burr:** ... Yes

**damnilton:** doooooo iiiiiiiit

**A.Burr:** Can I just say that I wouldn't have forced you to keep your end of the bargain if I had won

**damnilton:** thAT'S A FUCKING L I E    AY AY RON

**brahcules:** WHAT IS IT WHAT IS IT I WANNA SEE

**andmemes:** DON'T BE A LITTLE BITCH

**A.Burr:** Sigh

 

_A.Burr has changed their name to BurrBitch_

 

**turtlens:** this cured my hangover

**andmemes:** im a psychic

**Lafuckyou:** @BurrBitch you shouldn't have taken that bet, Burr

**BurrBitch:** I am now aware of that

**BurrBitch:** @damnilton @schuylerfied Do you realize I have to talk to people that work in the government with this screename

**Schuylerfied:** Yes

**BurrBitch:** Ugh

**damnilton:** HEY DO YOU GUYS WANNA SEE A COOL VIDEO

**BurrBitch:** If it's the video I am thinking of I swear

 

_damnilton has sent a video_

 

**damnilton:** i'll quote this till the day i die

**saynotome:** beautiful

**andmemes:** the best

**brahcules:** 10/10

**BurrBitch:** History paints me in all my mistakes

**damnilton:** deal with it @BurrBitch

* * *

**damnilton:** @ruBen10 have you recovered

**ruBen10:** Physically, yes

**ruBen10:** Emotionally??

**damnilton:** ...?

**ruBen10:** That's it, it's just question marks

**damnilton:** Lol

**commonavi:** @damnilton Nessa is asking if you have Angelica's phone number, she forgot to ask for it last night

**damnilton:** sure, i'll send it later

**commonavi:** thanks!

**ruBen10:** Um guys

**damnilton:** whats up?

**ruBen10:** So uh

**ruBen10:** Alex you said that you were like, bi, right?

**damnilton:** yea?

**ruBen10:** Okay uh

**ruBen10:** How did you figure it out? Exactly?

**damnilton:**  Why do you ask?

**damnilton:**  oh

**damnilton:**  OH

**commonavi:** NO ME DIGA

**ruBen10:** LOOK I DON'T KNOW I JUST !!

**ruBen10:** I knew there was straight and gay I didn't know both could be another type??11!

**ruBen10:** And girls are the best! I love chicks! They're hot as hell and overall fantastic

**ruBen10:** But then,,,,, g u y s

**damnilton:** bruh same

**ruBen10:** I don't wanna jump to conclusions or anything

**ruBen10:** I just looked back and realized "so I've LIKED liked guys o h"

**ruBen10:** I thought it was a phase?? idk

**commonavi:** u: it's okay if it had been/is, but your feelings are valid regardless

**damnilton:** ^^^

**commonavi:** whatever you choose to line up with, or not line up with, we're here for you, Ruben

**damnilton:** yeah, we love u, man

**ruBen10:** G uys

**damnilton:** DO NOT "NO HOMO" US

**ruBen10:** I WASN'T GOING TO

**ruBen10:** JUST?? THANK YOU

**ruBen10:** I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO

**commonavi:** WHY ARE WE SCREAMING

**damnilton:**  I DON'T KNOW

**ruBen10:** A A A A A H

**damnilton:** wAIT do you know what this means

**ruBen10:** ?

**damnilton:**  @commonavi you're the token straight friend

**ruBen10:** Omfg

**commonavi:** I guess i am hahaha

**damnilton:** you can join the club with Burr and Philip

**ruBen10:** Who's Philip?

**damnilton:** my son

**commonavi:** WHAT

**ruBen10:** WHAT

**commonavi:** WH A T ????

**ruBen10:** THE F UCK

**damnilton:** I may have forgotten to mention that

**ruBen10:** NO S H I T SHERLOCK

**damnilton:** FUCK YOU, WATSON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea which prompt im uploading next, but feel free to keep sending in requests! i've gotten some good ones :D

**Author's Note:**

> any questions/messages/memes you may have for me can be sent to my tumblr, marianara-sauce


End file.
